ALLEY CAT

• Director: Edward Victor
• Writer: Robert E. Waters (writer)
• IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0083541/
• Genre: Action
• Trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BWn_eWLKLoQ

That trailer…pretty damn cool right??! Looks like an exploitation classic right??! Unfortunately, no. Released by Film Ventures International in 1984 this is a female vigilante movie starring Karin Mari (Avenging Angel 1985) as an ass-kicking karate cat. Although not an actual cat, as that would be weird, but a female. After an attempted robbery on her grandparents house, and subsequent murder of one the old codgers, she seeks revenge on the gang that did it and any other nefarious characters that like to hang around the park she jogs in.

There are 2 reasons Karin got this role, actually scratch that 3, her great pair of tits and karate skills. She was probably very cheap too so make that 4. Her acting is very good and her voice and line delivery are both grating and poor. I doubt you're watching this for Lee Strasberg taught acting though so i guess you won't be too upset. Karin tries hard and that's what counts isn't it? Other positives are the nifty Nike shellsuit she wears when on her missions, the seventies style music, random prison volleyball game that takes place on top of the county jail, and subsequent shower scene. We even see a little homage to Bruce Lee in Enter The Dragon when she beats up one of the gang members and jumps on top of him. Theres a soft focus sex scene for all you romantics and naked hookers for the rest of us. One villain gets repeatedly kicked in the balls too, something i always find to be an amusing plus in films.

The negatives are the dodgy dialogue ('tiger to an alleycat' comment aside) and the fact the sleazy villain is under used. He reminded me of Krug, from Last House On The Left 1972, and even bore more than a passing resemblance to, Garrett Dillahunt, who played the character in the 2009 remake. I felt they could have made his character even more sleazy and violent and we only get a glimpse of what he's capable of. His right hand man possesses some good comic timing that causes a few unexpected laughs and could have been a bigger player too. Herein lies the problem because although she seems to have a knack of running into members/affiliates of the gang, their propensity to go round raping women helps this, we never get a real sense of tension between the gang and Karin. This lack of focus causes the film, which runs at a lean 1hr 22 minutes, to drag after a pretty fast paced opening half hour. This is down to the 'Women-In-Prison' segment Mr. Edward Montoro (Head of FVI) obviously felt was necessary to attract sales. A straight out duel between the parties with her policeman boyfriend getting killed would have upped the stakes. Her cop boyfriend goes from rookie cop to infatuated, partner fighting, Columbo through the space of the movie and is an interesting if flawed narrative. The way the movie ends by referencing how the two first met is a nice touch that adds a nice closure to the movie.

So if you want to see one of the worst punches committed to film, a forced no hands blow job, rapist wearing a mickey mouse t-shirt, and 3 directors for the price of one then this is the movie for you. Now where did i put that screencap of her tits??