Welcome to the CG wiki! You'll need to make an account and login before you can create or edit any pages. You don't have to use the same account name as you use on CG, but it makes things much simpler for staff if it's obvious who you are. Conversely, it makes it much easier for spies if it's not obvious who you are, so if that's your intention, make sure to pick an inconspicuous name like ”=KGB=VLADIM1R”.

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Well for starters, here's a really half-arsed splash page complete with desultory drivel that I mistakenly think to be witty. Here are some more subheadings:

If you don't know what the fuck this is or why you're here or who that man knocking on the door is or why a SWAT helicopter is circling over your house, try reading the words contained within the FAQ to see if it reveals any more about your quandary. If you do have a SWAT helicopter over your house, though, you might be disappointed by the results, and we'd suggest your best bet is to stop using the computer, leap out the window and make a mad dash for cover in the hope of being eternally famous as the white blob on “Police Catch A Rapist With A Helicopter At Night Time IV”.

Do you like writing words or finding or creating pictures which summarise an event or item? Or would you be interested in looking at such endeavours created by others? Then you'll be sure to love our Reviews section, as it shockingly contains all of the above and more*!

* not a guarantee

Are you too stupid to know how to do simple things and yet mistakenly think you don't deserve to be derided for it? Astonishingly, some people appear to agree with you, and helpfully they've written a number of fine Guides to assist you in learning how to become less ignorant, you philistinic cretin.

Do you have an obsession with a famous person that borders on unhealthy? Do you like the idea of collecting everything that person has ever made and then immersing yourself in a huge pit of it like Scrooge McDuck's money vault, and then ejaculating onto a shrine of the person's face surrounded by candles you've fashioned from your own man protein? We like to do everything we can to encourage your mental instability here at CG as it generally leads to higher donations, so be sure to check out our projects! Here's a list of the ones we're currently running, because it helps make this page appear as though there is more content on it.

Projects 0-24% complete (no bonus)

Projects 25-49% complete (10% bonus)

Projects 50-74% complete (20% bonus)

Projects 75-99% complete (30% bonus)

Projects 100% complete (40% bonus)

Got a suggestion to make, a feature you'd like to see, or a report that one of the new features on site has an unbelievably massive bug that's somehow caused your computer to rape your grandmother? Tell us about it here.

Do you like explanations of subheadings which rather than directly addressing the content of the subheading, instead ask a theoretical question to a person who would conceivably like the content in question? Do you also like terrible attempts at self-referential humour? Well, I do, so fuck you all if you don't, because I run this place, not you.

I'm sorry for swearing, I didn't mean that. I love you really.